OMG! it feels likes it been months since I last recorded my thoughts and feelings into words on a blog. I checked the date published, was very close to only one month! The Sorrow Wave pulled me under putting thoughts of "pity party time!!! and I lost control of all my senses these last few weeks. Smiles. The emotions, the tears, the sinking feelings where you lose your breath and double over into the fetal position. Poor Baby.
My Devil and Angel voices speak constantly in my head like a Spring breeze each pushing me toward the romp while I desperately try to will my limbs to battle the Wave and get my head above troubled waters. It reminds me of the time when I was about 7 and my Dad drove me my 8 old sister to Little Talbot Island Beach in Florida, with it ancient dunes and pristine beaches. We all loved the beach, especially the salt waters that my Native American Father said had magical healing powers. He believed taking a swim esrvy day would give youo longer life. My sister and I were daring each other to go further out in the Atlantic Ocean when all of a sudden the white foaming end of the watering wave crashed upon our heads and forced our little bodies to the ocean floor. The wave grabbed us and tumbled us and no matter how hard we tried to swim through and find our way out it threw us to ocean deeps again and again. This is how I have felt these last few weeks I don't have the strength to swim.
You never know how long the wave will hold you under! A couple week or months? Telling myself it's okay to feel the way I've been feeling with the gravity of my loss. Then, I also wonder? Am I so emotional because I have lost my true love of fifty years. OR ? Is it just a wave of self-pity and fear of having to face all futures occurrences alone. I also tell myself the sun will rise again tomorrow.
Step in Sunbeams,
Kathie's K.I.S.S
